*PLAYER 1 START!*
(The scene begins in Dave and Jerry's room, with Dave batting his computer as a "PSYCHO LEVEL" bar fills up.)
Dave: Screw you, you stinkin' computer!
Jerry: Dave! I keep telling you: Command, S!
(The scene transitions to Todd's Lair)
Todd: Ugh, (whispering) you're an handsome beast.. (Flexing his arms in the mirror) Those push-ups are really paying off. Very well, he is your friend.
(The scene then transitions a few rooms, with Mary walking inside the women's bathroom, and another room where Black Steve and Clarie are making out in Mary's room.)
Claire: Oh, Black Steve, you're gonna leave your wife, right?
(The scene then transitions to the sewers where a frog then turns into a Samurai, then walking to a pipe and a scream is heard. It then transitions all the way down to LarriTy's top-secret safe.)
LarriTy: Now listen here, boy. This is our top-secret safe. Built special to keep all my money and valuables away from them sons-a-bitch thieves I call "employees". One of Hitler's old bunker builders built it.Got by them a reckon.
Dean: Wicked, dad!
LarriTy: Only way to open it, is by punching in a top-secret code, owning only to me, and my brain. Let me see if I can remember this sucker.. eh.. (The camera zooms into the keypad, LarriTy punches "1234" as the code, opening up the safe.) Bingo! YEE-HAW! (LarriTy and Dean jump into the safe. The scene then cuts to inside the safe.) Gotta check everything, make sure it's all here. Gold coins, check. Treasure chest, check. Unicorn skeleton, check. Stuffed ex-wife-
Dean: A huh?!
LarriTy: Check. Chad Marble, FYI, genuine marble, check. Leprechaun on a pile of gold, check. And a leprechaun on a chair, double check. Davey Jones' locker- (the locker door opens, Davey appears inside) Ahem. Not now, Davey. My Rubik's cube with 3 reds on one side- Yes, I'm a gall-darn genius. And, every single one of 'Reader's Digest' from the past 6 months, and I mean every single last one of them. Okay, everything's- *gasps* BEND ME OVER, KISS MY ASS AND HAND WASH MY PRIVATES! (The scene transitions to the sacks of money.) I've been robbed! There's a sack of money missing.
Dean: You said 'sack', that's another word for "balls". (A "Retard Level" bar fills all the way up.)
LarriTy: There's supposed to be 105 bags here, I only eyeball 104.
Dean: How can you tell, dad?
LarriTy: I can smell it. It's as if someone stole one of my babies, and that baby was made out of money instead of useless baby meat.
(Scene cuts over to Dean riding a 'Ride 'em!' Horse)
Dean: Dad, check out this horse! I found it!
LarriTy: Dean, you're more useless than fake boobs on a dead pig. Get off of that, boy! (He pulls out a knife) We gotta sneak in the pit.
(A cutscene appears where Benny, Clarence, Mary, Jerry, Dave, Todd and Claire appear in a mugshot board, with the "CODE MONKEYS" logo being stamped in red above.)
LarriTy: Howdy, random employee. (Mary groans) Get in here, don't want nobody listenin' in here. (Him and Dean go inside a room labeled with a sign saying "BIG BALLS."
Dean: Dad, what's going on, bro?
LarriTy: (In a serious, creepy-like tone) I want you to find this thief and bring him back to me, alive, but just barely.
Dean: You got it dad- WHOA! Look out! (LarriTy jumps over the red ball) How much is 'barely'?
LarriTy: Boy, just do it! Come on!
Dean: Yes, sir.
LarriTy: Man, oh man. Why didn't I pull out when I had the chance? (He hops into a green pipe.)
(The scene transitions to Clarence pouring a jug of water into a Jacuzzi)
Clarence: (singing) Ooh, yeah! Only one thing is better than a pure water Jacuzzi. (Dean drops down from the pipe)
Dean: Hey! You know anything about a missing sack of cash?
Clarence: No, but I do know about bubbles! (singing) Bubbles, bubbles, bubbles!
Dean: What the fuck. I'm outta here. (jumps back up into the pipe)
Clarence: (singing) That guy's the only guy I wouldn't sleep with. Nah, I take that back. I'd sleep with him too, because that's how gay I am! Wooo! (lowers into the Jacuzzi waters)
(The scene transitions to Benny's room. Benny is talking on his toy phone.)
Benny: Give me three times on the mix, with the points!
Dean: (walks in) Hey, Korean midget.
Benny: I gotta go.
Dean: Who was that you were just talking to?
Benny: (laughing) Oh! This is my toy phone, Dean! This one's my imaginary friend: Fred, the dragon! (laughing)
Dean: Oh, sorry buddy. Don't know what I was thinking. (walks out of the room)
Benny: Don't be, motherfucker. Give me Joe!
(The scene transitions to Todd's Lair)
Todd: Wow. This is what Rush must've felt like after they recorded 2112.
Todd's Miniature Robot: (in a robotic voice) Todd, you are a genius.
Todd: Thank you, my little and only friend.
Dean: (walks into the room) What's up? Here's the deal, nerd. Either you, Dave, or Jerry is a thief.
Todd: The immortals steal, but I, I, a god can only create. (A "Jerk-A-lert" meter fills to the max)
Dean: What does that mean?
Todd: It was Jerry.
Dean: I knew it! Thanks, bro! (walks out)
(The scene cuts into Jerry and Dave's room.)
Dave: Excuse me, Jerry but I have to take a leak.
Jerry: Fine dude, it's not like you have to ask for my permission.
Dave: Thanks man, I really appreciate that. (He pulls down his pants and begins to urinate in the orange juice bottle)
Jerry: (disgusted) DAMN IT, Dave! Go to the bathroom!
Dave: Way ahead of you, buddy. Aaaahh.. Ahh!
Jerry: Stop peeing in juice bottles!
Dave: Yeah, but it's my juice so think of it as 'recycling'.
Jerry: It smells like a mixture of ass and piss in this room! Please, for the last time, start using the bathroom!
Dave: Dude, the bathroom is like 20 feet down the hall, which is like 20 feet far when you're playing video games.
Jerry: Dave, you're supposed to be programming games, not playing games. (Dave slowly stops urinating and pulls up his pants) And at least throw the bottles away when you're done.
Dave: Yeah, I'll put that on my "To-Don't" list. (Dean walks into the room)
Dean: Listen up, turd boxes. Someone's been stealing from my dad. and I got a pretty good idea who it is.
Jerry: Well, It's not me. I've never stolen anything from Mr. LarriTy, or this company. Unlike some people.
Dave: Surely you did not refer to me as "moi".
Black Steve: (walks into the room) Hey yo, Dave. Can you hook me up with that company credit card again? I wanna use it to buy some cocaine.
Dave: Here you go, my man. I didn't know drug-dealers accepted credit cards.
Black Steve: Oh, hell yeah.
Dave: Dude, just make sure you return it by Tuesday.
Black Steve: Naw, man you ain't gettin' this back. (he sees the pile of urine-filled juice bottles) Yo Dave, you stockin' liquor?
Jerry: Nope. It's actually gallons of urine.
Black Steve: (chuckling) You motherfuckas is crazy.
LarriTy: (walks into the room) What you found out, murder she wrote?
Dean: Dad, I think it's Dave and Jerry! They've been using your money to buy orange juice!
LarriTy: Woo, that looks extra poop-it! Lemme take a swig! (LarriTy takes a sip of the urine, then spits it out on Jerry) BLAARGH!
Dave: Don't worry dude, urine is sterile.
Black Steve: Gross me out.. (he vomits up a puddle along with several items, including a banana peel, an ice-cream cone, a turkey, a license plate, a steak, a prescription bottle, and a fish)
Dave: My new shoes!
Mary: (walks in the room) What the hell just happened?
Jerry: Oh you know, the usual Monday stuff. Sprayed by the boss by a mouthful of urine.
(A cutscene then appears with a coffee machine along with the words "Let's make Monday Funday.")
LarriTy: (speaking on the microphone) Well, Dean searched this place high and low for that dirty some-bitch who been diggin' his greasy hands into my pockets. And as usual, he fumbled the ball on the 2-yard line. (A mailman brings a bunch of boxes on a cart.)
Mailman: I have a delivery of 1200 Swatches for uh, GameAVision?
LarriTy: What the hell's a 'Swatch'?
Dave: It's game parts. It's very technical stuff that involves computers and addition, in math.
LarriTy: Anyway, since I can't find out who's been stealing from me, I'd thought I'd go ahead and reward everybody who is not stealing from me. You see, if only one of you was stealing, that means the rest of you are not. That's called 'logic', people. (The "CODE MONKEYS" at the bottom becomes a series of question marks for a brief moment.)
Dave: Makes perfect sense, sir.
LarriTy: So, we're goin' on a little company retreat. My way of thankin' all but one of you for not being a Grade-A cow turd. Bus picks up tomorrow mornin' out front, 8 AM sharp. (In a low, scowling voice) Yeee-Ha...
(The scene cuts to the next morning outside of GameAVision, a bus waiting outside with everyone getting on)
LarriTy: Alright, get in there. Coffee, donuts are in the back. All-you-can-eat, have at it. Yes. That you too, fatty.
Jerry: Man, free trip? Coffee, donuts? This guy isn't as bad as we thought.
(Scene cuts to a sign that partially reads "RAPEVILLE" with the 'E' flickering out, then cutting to full view reading "RAPEVILLE ST. PEN". The bus then pulls up to the front.)
Dave: Uh-huh... Dude, this crazy motherfucker is as bad as we thought.